do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
