even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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