I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize