his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
