Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
