five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
