Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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