I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
