I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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