Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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