Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
