Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
