I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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