WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize