...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
