Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
