Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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