Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
