So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
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i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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