Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
