I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
