I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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