i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
