Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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