Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
