Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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