it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
