need another drink. this is the easiest way
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
