and i looked up. we had an audience...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
