Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
