In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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