All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
