I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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