she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
