I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
its liver damage thursday
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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