I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
