He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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