if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
