im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
