I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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