I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
