In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
