So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
