Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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