I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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