Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
