I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
