dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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