Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
