She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
