KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
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I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
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The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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