This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize