Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
