this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
