As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
