ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
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For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
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YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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