i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
