just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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