Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
