Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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