and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
