Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
