Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
