Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
