I want to stick my p in your. b.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
