i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
