Quick, to the slutcave!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
