I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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