Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Alive.
So much puke
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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