Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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