dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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