Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
what day is it and did you see me today?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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