I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
