i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
