I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
