Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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