We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
