I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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